In the future we'll all be gay
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
