I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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