remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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