If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
