Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
