Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
