Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
