I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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