Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
