Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
