I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
