the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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