It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Randomize
