Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
