When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize