I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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