i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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