oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
