i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
