you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
