Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
