That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
