he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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