I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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