Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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