Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
