we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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