so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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