tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
