my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
