apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
