Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
