Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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