i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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