Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
