So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
