My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
