I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
