i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
