My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
