Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
