I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
