My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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