You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
