At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
