It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
