So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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