You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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