It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
