it wasn't lemon gatorade
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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