he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize