a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
