Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
