I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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