She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
