Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
