I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
