Who did Billy Mays play for?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
