I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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