yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
