Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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