I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
