I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
