I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
