we're blogging at a bar
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
