just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
